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Arguments for the Apocalypse #2: Nutscaping

Nutscaping, the mind-boggling new trend of taking photos of beautiful scenery with your balls in shot, is just another reason why our very existence should come to a sudden, violent end.

Picture the scene. An American gentleman (I’m only assuming this trend was started by an American because it’s always f*cking them) stands atop a dusty hillock, gazing out across a marvellous vista. The early red glow of dawn sears through a ceiling of moody clouds and illuminates an endless stretch of desert, pock marked with canyons and majestic mountains that stretch to the sky. Our man sucks in a breath of dewy air and exclaims:

“Needs more balls.”

And so begins the hopefully very-short-lived trend of Nutscaping, where idiots drop trou and photograph their nutsacks poking into frame.

In actual fact, Nutscaping has been around since 2007 but is suddenly back in the public eye, presumably because no one invented anything just as dumb in the past three hours. May we suggest the following: Badger Golf; Chainsaw Vasectomy; Taunt A Koala; False Teeth Cunninlingus; Bouncy Castle Karaoke; and PCP Fork Lift Truck Rally.

Read next: Arguments for the Apocalypse: World Selfie Championships (yes, there’s a full website dedicated to this) is filled with example shots and advice on how to take your own screlfie, which basically amounts to ‘find somewhere awesome, drop your pants, bend over and snap away’. The fact that potential nutscapers might need a guide on photographing their own nuts says it all, really.

Nutscaping also points out the danger of shooting these pics at a height, advising that you use your free hand to anchor. We’re guessing that this year’s Darwin Awards will be filled with photographers who failed to heed this advice.


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