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Arguments for the Apocalypse #3: Rufus Cuff ‘Wrist Communicator’

The Rufus Cuff smartwatch is just one more nail in the wearable coffin, while its ‘join the wrist revolution’ mantra makes us long for the inevitable death of the planet.

Just look at this bloody thing.

The Rufus Cuff is an enormous new smartwatch ‘proudly made in the USA’, rocking a humongous 3.2-inch widescreen display. It runs Android OS and can connect to your phone to make video calls and do all the usual smartwatch crap, except with the added advantage that you’ll accidentally brain yourself if you pick your nose. Because it’s massive. Did we mention how bastard big it is?

This is how effortlessly cool you could look with Rufus Cuff

Let’s face it, smartwatches are essentially a solution to a problem that doesn’t really exist. Outside of the obvious fitness tracking benefits, they basically allow us to check our notifications or control our media without all the effort of lifting our phones from our bags or pockets.

The Rufus Cuff is laziness taken to an all-new extreme. It’s for people who wish to do phone stuff without all the hassle of tensing their thumb and finger muscles, in order to grip their mobile. Don’t even bother, guys. I’ve made my own Rufus Cuff using nothing more than a simple bit of packing tape. Ta daahhhhh:

The Rufus Cuff website also bills the device as a fitness tracker, which of course makes perfect sense. After all, exercising with a brick strapped to your arm will help tone those biceps all the quicker.

Rufus Cuff is “a wearable technology that actually makes us more human” according to Forbes, while this beefy wrist shackle “thumbs its nose at smartwatches with their tiny faces and dainty wristbands” according to TechCrunch (if the Rufus Cuff website is to be believed, anyway). Well, here’s a quote from Recombu, guys: “Rufus Cuff makes us all the more certain that the human race will be looked upon as a bewilderingly idiotic and self-obsessed mistake by alien archaeologists digging through the remnants of our civilisation after we finally blow ourselves to kingdom come.” Hope that helps.

Read next: Arguments for the Apocalypse #2 Nutscaping


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